I consider myself quite a fine specimen of FOB, evidenced mostly by my sudding cravings for Maggi but more significantly to my Google Reader subscription to The Hindu. Also The Times of India once upon a time but then I slowly realized that I had no real interest in the life and daily activities of Shahid Kapoor and the other assortment of Bollywood luninaries that TOI considers its personal vendetta to virulentlypropagate.
Anyway, what I was saying before I ambushed my own train of thought was that as I was trawling the Hindu feed, I noticed the follwing article, submitted in its ghastly entirety.
Dismissal of railway constable upheld
NEW DELHI: The Supreme Court has upheld the 1989 dismissal of a railway constable found glued to his radio, listening to cricket commentary, during duty hours. — PTI
Wha? Notice the startling lack of any pertinent information. Its like The Hindu suddenly decided to have a Madlibs column. The name, age, sexual orientation, IQ, the make of the radio etc. have been thoughtfully omitted, but we know for sure that it is a male of the species Homo sapiens, who at one time, in the year of our Lord 1989, was employed in some capacity as a constable of the Indian(?) Railways.
I was puzzled. Surely some editor somewhere must have noticed that this was not particularly germane to any previous conversation or article or to anyone on earth except the afore-mentioned ex-constable. It was then that it struck me. OF COURSE!
The Hindu is the Indian media equivalent to Wowbagger, the Infinitely Prolonged. Just as the original Wowbagger whiles his time away by insulting all life in serial order, The Hindu spends its infinite life going over all Indians in serial order and printing trivial news stories about them.
Take that, all you other half-baked conspiracy theorists. Not you, though Alex Jones. You’re way fucking crazier than I am.
