Mayawati: Future Hip-Hop Bling Trendsetter?

Ms. Mayawati, Esteemed Honorable Chief Minister and Czarina of Uttar Pradesh, decided to felicitate herself for turning Uttar Pradesh from a blot on the Indian landscape, a certified tumor rampant with lawlessness and thuggery to a veritable land of milk and honey where birds chirp happily on every bough and the sun never sets. Its so awesome that needlessly long sentences like the one before are strictly banned.

This is Mayawati’s gift for being Super Amazing Empress of Everything.

Mayawati's Blingathon

If you’re like me and initially thought that the garland was made of each Uttar Pradeshi resident’s middle finger, to denote something like a reverse Fuck-You, you’re wrong. But not by much.

Its actually made from 1000 Rupee notes. Estimates vary from 21 lakh to 2 crore Rupees, but one thing’s for sure. Its more than what your little peasant ass is worth.

Now all those pseudo-intellectuals fell over each other gasping and pointing at some ridiculous hypocrisy inherent in the image, such as how she could afford to take not 1 but 2 garlands but claim there was no money in the State Exchequer to pay the next-of-kin of the victims of the Pratapgarh stampede.

Fuck that. They’re only people. Not celebrities. Duh! What these justice-obsessed assholes don’t understand is how significant this is. Do they know how important bling is? Specially in the world of hip-hop? Bet you didn’t know Mayawati was gonna spit some fierce verses out for Lil’ Wayne’s next album? The one he’s going to record in the slammer?

You didn’t, you say? Well, fuck YOU, you ignorant so-and-so. If Mayawati’s going to have to break into a fiercely competitive rap arena, she’s gonna have to bring some swagga, nahmean? And what’s more fuckin’ gangsta than a necklace made out of Mahatmas? You tell me. Because I can’t think of it. Top that, muthafucka! You can’t!